Sign language.

(This compresses and streamlines three different conversations over a couple of days.)
Her: "Yes, you think you are hilarious."
Me: "Maybe for Christmas, I should get you a nice set of signs, so you can save your voice for important stuff."
Her: "What?"
Me: "Well, you know, such as 'Yes, you've told this anecdote before.'"
Her: "Could be useful."
Me: (Mimes holding up independent signs.) "'He think's he funny; we're not sure why.'  'Oh my god, please stop singing.'"
Her: "Ooh!  That would be good."
Me: "'No one wants to hear that old comedy routine.'"
Her: "Keep going, you're talking me into it."
Me:"'Thank you, Useless Information Man.'"
Her: "Of course, there's two flaws with this plan."
Me: "One: I never follow through on any of my plans."
Her: "And Two: none of these signs would stop you in the slightest."
Me: (Mock-sweet-and-cute) "Thank you for loving me just the way I am."
Her: (Mimes holding up a sign.) "Yes, you think you are hilarious."