Another typical home conversation.

(As UIM rises from the couch, he knocks a pillow off onto the floor.)
UIM: (singing) "F**k you, pillow; f**k yoooooou."
Frage: (from the bedroom) "What are you cursing now?"
UIM: "Everything.  I am launching imprecations at the totality of existence."
Frage: (tired) "Awesome."

Let's face it, folks, she's tired.

(UIM and Frage driving around, doing errands.)
(Frage is audibly irritated by a couple different pedestrians stepping thoughtlessly into the road in front of her.)
UIM : “You have to remember: These are simple people.”
(Frage chuckles.)
UIM: “The common clay of the new West.”
Frage: “What?”
UIM: “You know: morons.”
(Silence.)
UIM: “Look, I either answer that, or, ‘Mongo only pawn in game of life.’  Quotes from Blazing Saddles are all I’ve got right now.”
Frage: “Thank you so much.”
UIM: “I certainly don’t think I can respond with ‘I think he said the sheriff’s near’ relevantly.”

So much drama in Cook County.

We're getting ready for a car trip up to her dad's.  I'm coming back down to the city that evening to return the rental car.
Her: "So, what are your plans for the rest of the weekend?"
Me: "Oh, you know." (Pause.) "Rollin' down the street; smokin' indo; sippin' on gin and juice."
Her: "Make sure you take the cats with you.  April-kitty does love her gin and juice."

East Coast-West Coast strife

We're watching the music video for "Happy", by Pharrell Willliams.
Her: "Hey, it's MJ."
Me: "No, that's not Michael Jordan, that's Magic -" (pause) "oh."
Her: "Yeah, hello, Lakers' girl here."
Me: "I had wondered about all those purple and gold shorts you have."

Security through obscenity?

(We were listening to the radio show, "Wait Wait Don't Tell Me", as Paula Poundstone goes on a mini-rant about passwords.)
Paula Poundstone: "I cannot come up with any more passwords.  It's why I have 16 cats."
Her: "So, Useless Information Man, is that why you know so many porn performer names?"
Me: "I assure you, when I started down that road of depravity in fall of 1987, computer security was not one of my concerns."

Sign language.

(This compresses and streamlines three different conversations over a couple of days.)
Her: "Yes, you think you are hilarious."
Me: "Maybe for Christmas, I should get you a nice set of signs, so you can save your voice for important stuff."
Her: "What?"
Me: "Well, you know, such as 'Yes, you've told this anecdote before.'"
Her: "Could be useful."
Me: (Mimes holding up independent signs.) "'He think's he funny; we're not sure why.'  'Oh my god, please stop singing.'"
Her: "Ooh!  That would be good."
Me: "'No one wants to hear that old comedy routine.'"
Her: "Keep going, you're talking me into it."
Me:"'Thank you, Useless Information Man.'"
Her: "Of course, there's two flaws with this plan."
Me: "One: I never follow through on any of my plans."
Her: "And Two: none of these signs would stop you in the slightest."
Me: (Mock-sweet-and-cute) "Thank you for loving me just the way I am."
Her: (Mimes holding up a sign.) "Yes, you think you are hilarious."

We work well together.

As my sweetheart and I walked along Lawrence Avenue, on our way to get llunch and to do errands, we passed a taqueria that had "Free-Wifi" and "Special Taco $1.50 Tuesday and Thursday" signs stacked too close together in the window.

Me: "Free wi-fi special taco."
Her: "What?"
Me: "The signs in the window.  I don't know what a wi-fi taco would be."
Her: "Of course."
Me: "I don't even know how one could eat a digital taco."
Her: "Open your mouth really wide."
Me: "Man, worst superhero name ever."
Her: "Open your mouth really wide?"
Me: "I meant 'Digital Taco' ."
Her: "My suggestion is worse."
Me: "But superhero names are never imperative sentences.  Nobody is going to trust 'Captain Let's Get the Hell Out of Here.' Or the superhero invoked by all kids traveling with siblings, 'The Amazing Stop Touching Me Stop Touching Me Mom Make Him Stop Touching Me' ."

October visit to Southern California

We're standing on the Santa Monica pier, with the temp in the low 70s.
Me: "So, wait, it's still October here in California?"
Her: "Yes, dear."
Me: "Okay, I can finally understand why people tolerate the earthquakes, mudslides, and wildfires."

She is not necessarily thrilled with me building a quote list.

(After I found some quotes from the month before and shared them again...)
"And yet, you wrote it down, word for word, to read it at me when I am at my weakest."

Often times, she does not find me as funny as I think I am.

Me: "Honey, I'm out of tissues.  Do you have any tissue packets?"
Her: "Of course." (rummages in her bag, hands me a packet.) "Who's the best girlfriend ever?"
Me: "Charlize Theron.  But you are a close second."
Her: (GLARE.)

when people ask me how it's going, I feel like telling them this.

So, yes, cartoon-watching is still an important part of this relationship.

We caught some of the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle series, and the writing is good, so we are catching up on it.  (I never watched any of the old series, so I don’t know how much the writing has improved.)

Shortly into the second episode that we saw together, this conversation occurred:

Her: “Wait, this show seems so familiar.” 
(Pause.)
Her: “It feels kind of like talking with you.”
UIM: “Huh?”
Her: “Each of them is like a different part of you.  There’s the angry guy, and the guy who uses big words, and the guy who thinks he’s in charge, and the guy who just says random silly things.”
UIM: “Okay.  Yeah.  That’s a pretty fair assessment.”