2022

I was about to express hopes for peace and joy and change in the new year.
And then a second later, random dingleberries started setting off firecrackers at midnight.

Knowledge I Learned from My Friends This Year

If there's something on the floor, don't stand in it. (January 2021 - It was a world of Warcraft statement, but it's really applicable everywhere.)

You'd think if you hadn't eaten all day, anything would taste good.  (January 2021)

People made of fluff should be last in the battle order.  (January 2021)

The octopus is judging you.  (February 2021)

We aggro'd the fucking world.  Why not drive off the cliff?  (February 2021)

Knob Creek immediately goes up your nose and burns your brain.  (March 2021)

Some nights, you'll need some help with a quest you shouldn't have gotten into.  (March 2021)

A really-nasty one-star review actually means you've touched the reader.  (April 2021)

Under normal circumstances, Urgent Care never tells you to come back the next day for a follow-up. (June 2021)

A case of shingles can feel like a midget trying to drive a spike through your ear for three weeks.  (August 2021)

Chickens are nasty.  That's why they are so tasty.  (October 2021)

Your child will be aghast that you know the lyrics to 'The Time Warp'.  (October 2021)

Do not hide bodies in the attic - that's the first place they look.  (December 2021)

I don't think 'Weird Al' did this in concert, but I'm also too lazy to verify that....

During my lunch break on Tuesday, I took the parts I wanted from several meal-plan meals, stuck them in a bowl to microwave them.  They key piece of this was the provolone slices I took from two of the meals, and laid on top of the other components.

All while singing the word 'Provolone' instead of 'Kodakchrome' in the Paul Simon song.

Obviously (because it's me), this grew out of control....

When I think back on all the lunch I had in high school,
It's a wonder I can eat at all.
Oh, but my lack of good nutrition never hurt me none.
I still can read a menu on the wall.

Provolone

(something some thing something)

Gives me a happy stomach.

Makes all the world a cheesy day, oh, yeah.

With my Italian sandwich

(something some thing something)

Mama, please don't take my provolone away.

If you took all the meals I had when I was drinking,

And put them in a buffet for one night,

It would never match my flavor recollection -

Everything tastes worse in sober light.

Provolone

(something some thing something)

Gives me a happy stomach.

Makes all the world a cheesy day, oh, yeah.

With my Italian sandwich

(something some thing something)

Mama, please don't take my provolone away.