#ThisDidn'tActuallyHappen: Married conversations.

Frage: "You have friends you have known for 40+ years, and who still talk to you."

UIM: "Specifically and exactly because they have not had to deal with my bull$#!+ on a day-to-day basis since the Reagan administration."

Married Conversations: You'll Have to Answer to Your Own

UIM: "Sorry for stressing you out."

Frage: (deadpan blatant lie) "You don't stress me out.  My shoulders like to live up here by my ears."

Married Conversations: Go running for the shelter

Frage: "I did ask my doc to call in a scrip for Flonase, but I never heard back from them.  CVS just texted me I have a filled scrip.  I hope it's the Flonase."

UIM: "It would be weird if it was for something you never had filled before.  'We see you're married to UIM.  Would you like some Valium?' "

Frage: "Yes.  I'm going to sneak it into his food."

UIM: (mimicking mouth full) "This pizza tastes funny"

Frage: (narrator voice) "Which did not stop him from having 5 more slices."

UIM: (commercial voice, mimics holding up a product) "It's the Xanax crust!"  (wide fake smile)

Married Conversations: Don't ask questions you don't want answers to.

UIM: "Yeees?  Something funny, Miss Giggles?"

Frage: "Everything about you, baby."

Married conversations: Case by case, we understand each other better

(As I load the items in the iGo car with items to put in storage...)

Frage: "Is that a guitar case?" (with the previous knowledge that we had ditched our respective guitars at various move times....)

UIM: "It's a rifle case with a Nerf sword in it."

(Long pause while UIM puts the rest of the boxes in the iGo car.)

UIM: "I understand the loop playing in your head: 'Why do I even ask him?', 'Why do I even ask him?', 'Why do I even ask him?' ..."