Para-Nerds

Frage: “Well, you know me.  I’m paranoid.”

UIM: “As am I.  Taking a moment to nail down concrete evidence helps diminish the paranoia.”

Frage: “But the evidence suggests that They Really Are Out to Get Us.”

UIM: “In which case, concrete evidence helps us survive, and plan our counter-attack.”

from the back files: I accept that I am powerless, and put my faith in a useless information being higher than me.

(My boss was getting very frustrated at a currently-not-solveable problem.)

My Boss: “UIM? Talk me down from the ledge?”

UIM: “Isn’t that kind of like choosing Charlie Sheen as your AA sponsor?”

from the back files: definitions

From: UIM
Sent: Tuesday, February 19, 2013 10:11 AM
Subject: {REDACTED}

This conversation falls afoul of the two differing uses of the word 'support' in this company.
Dev definition of 'support': "If the data source sends the right values, we will create the symbol."

User definition of 'support': "Can I trade it right now this minute and second?"

-UIM

{My cubicle mate} and I just spent six minutes talking about these differing meanings, which then devolved into a discussion of 100-sided dice and gaming groups in general.

collateralized dough obligations.

(After my cubicle mate hands over the Girl Scout Cookies which I ordered…)

Him: “People kept asking me about the delivery date. I was tempted to write some complicated rule, like the expiration date rules for the CME.”

UIM: (laughing)

Him: “Third Friday of the month before the Chinese New Year, or something. I’d have to write a spec.”

UIM: “And we’d have to issue a bulletin of approved Cookie warehouses.”

Him: “Would we use future root GSC?”

UIM: (checking reference database) “GSC is only a root in Sydney. So you can’t trade Australian Girl Scout Cookies. So, there goes our arbitrage market.”

Him: “Dammit.”

On the upside of a downward spiral?

(Frage and UIM are in a Dunkin Donuts at 5:30 am, waiting for the morning commuter train.)
(The radio is playing the song "Drive-By" by the band Train.)
Frage: (glaring at the speakers) "It's just disturbing that this is supposed to be a love song, but in terms of a random violent act."
UIM: "But, it's saying that it's NOT a drive-by."
Frage: "Adding the word 'not' doesn't make it better."
UIM: "Sadly, some guys' attitude for romance is exactly like their attitude for random violence.  Get in, get out, hope the police don't get involved."
Frage: "For a second, I thought you said, 'Hump the police.' "
UIM: "Yeah, that was NWA's first draft.  Same way they originally wrote '911 is a Mildly Amusing Anecdote' before they realized they needed to be more direct."
(Pause, and Frage glares at the speakers again.)
Frage: "It's still just wrong."
UIM: "It's not as bad as 'This is not a conspiracy to commit murder,' or 'This is not a serial killing spree.' "
Frage: "It is, because you're killing my patience."