Why UIM is not a rapper. (#001)

"If you're having girl problems
I feel bad for you, son.
I got 99 problems, but
a female love interest with significantly different goals and bad communication skills
is not one."

So much drama in Cook County.

We're getting ready for a car trip up to her dad's.  I'm coming back down to the city that evening to return the rental car.
Her: "So, what are your plans for the rest of the weekend?"
Me: "Oh, you know." (Pause.) "Rollin' down the street; smokin' indo; sippin' on gin and juice."
Her: "Make sure you take the cats with you.  April-kitty does love her gin and juice."

from the back files: another thrilling day

From:    UIM
Sent:     Tuesday, May 21, 2013 7:28 AM

It's another thrilling day of churning through US and Canadian renames, and I'm listening to Morrison Hotel, and I feel this unreasonable urge to answer any and all work questions today with any one of the following:

1)      "Keep your eyes on the road, and your hands upon the wheel."

2)      "The future's uncertain and the end is always near."

3)      "Blood in the streets in the town of Chicago."

4)      "Ghosts crowd the young child's fragile eggshell mind."

5)      "At first flash of Eden, we race down to the sea."

6)      "Waiting for you to tell me what went wrong."

On the upside of a downward spiral?

(Frage and UIM are in a Dunkin Donuts at 5:30 am, waiting for the morning commuter train.)
(The radio is playing the song "Drive-By" by the band Train.)
Frage: (glaring at the speakers) "It's just disturbing that this is supposed to be a love song, but in terms of a random violent act."
UIM: "But, it's saying that it's NOT a drive-by."
Frage: "Adding the word 'not' doesn't make it better."
UIM: "Sadly, some guys' attitude for romance is exactly like their attitude for random violence.  Get in, get out, hope the police don't get involved."
Frage: "For a second, I thought you said, 'Hump the police.' "
UIM: "Yeah, that was NWA's first draft.  Same way they originally wrote '911 is a Mildly Amusing Anecdote' before they realized they needed to be more direct."
(Pause, and Frage glares at the speakers again.)
Frage: "It's still just wrong."
UIM: "It's not as bad as 'This is not a conspiracy to commit murder,' or 'This is not a serial killing spree.' "
Frage: "It is, because you're killing my patience."

from the back files: progress?

From:    UIM
Sent:    Monday, April 09, 2012 3:22 PM
Subject: Progress?

Quote from therapy, today:
“And I’m frustrated, because as much as I think about resolving this, I never seem to figure out how.”
(Pause)
“And now I’m annoyed because I seem to be quoting the punk rock song, ‘Institutionalized’.”

-UIM.
The progress part is that I did not start quoting the song.