Truths and useful phrases from a previous boss.

"Thank you for your two cents, but I'm afraid you've got change coming back."

"Go sell that crazy somewhere else."

"If the high point is the tree catching on fire, then I just won't bother with Christmas."

"Yeah, that's it - we smoked the pooch right there."


"I don't want anyone horizontal on those couches.  When people go horizontal, stuff starts coming out of them."

from the back files: Obligatory personal note on an e-mail discussion about gun control.

From: UIM

Sent: Monday, November 11, 2013 12:52 PM

ObligatoryPersonalNote: Somewhere around age 14 I realized I should not pursue my desires to become a police detective, as I realized that people with my crappy temper should not carry firearms....

from the back files: I know I am a horrible misanthrope.

From:    UIM
Sent:     Wednesday, August 28, 2013 10:29 AM
Subject:  I know I am a horrible misanthrope.

My subconscious finally answered the question, "If I had to throw a Thirsty Thursday, what theme would I actually be happy with, given that I don't want to talk to large swaths of this company?"

The answer was a "Bacon and Inebriation Meditation" theme.  The beer and bacon theme we just had, plus, no one is allowed to talk.  Everybody just sits down quietly and drinks their booze and eats their bacon.