Truths and useful phrases from a previous boss.

"Thank you for your two cents, but I'm afraid you've got change coming back."

"Go sell that crazy somewhere else."

"If the high point is the tree catching on fire, then I just won't bother with Christmas."

"Yeah, that's it - we smoked the pooch right there."


"I don't want anyone horizontal on those couches.  When people go horizontal, stuff starts coming out of them."

A comment from back in 2010, when various family members flew to Florida.

"Angry men with beards get special attention at the airport nowadays."

She is not necessarily thrilled with me building a quote list.

(After I found some quotes from the month before and shared them again...)
"And yet, you wrote it down, word for word, to read it at me when I am at my weakest."

Often times, she does not find me as funny as I think I am.

Me: "Honey, I'm out of tissues.  Do you have any tissue packets?"
Her: "Of course." (rummages in her bag, hands me a packet.) "Who's the best girlfriend ever?"
Me: "Charlize Theron.  But you are a close second."
Her: (GLARE.)

mental methane: gallic knots in the conversation

(While discussing various pointless things, and waiting for a meeting to start.)

 

 

Developer: "So, you're trying to work on some sort of double entendre?"
UIM: "I'm not even sure it has a single entendre."
Developer: "Well, by default, any word has at least one entendre."
UIM: "I don't know. Nobody seems to ever understand anything I say, so it’s possible there is no entendre."
Developer: "But any word has at least one meaning."
UIM: "I'm sure if you talk with service, they'll provide customer utterances completely devoid of meaning."
Developer: "Non-tendres."
UIM: "Sans-tendres."

I always fear Take Your Children to Work Day

From: UIM
Sent: Thursday, April 22, 2010 8:35 AM
Subject: I always fear Take Your Children to Work Day
I am always afraid that HR will tranq dart me, stick me in an observation room, and have you and Cletus (evil cop, slow cop) torture me to show the kids why they want to learn to control their tempers.

--

From: EqSarDev
Sent: Thursday, April 22, 2010 9:09 AM

We just show them archived security footage of past UIM incidents.