(UIM and Frage are standing in the dairy aisle at Target.)
(Behind them, another customer is on the phone relating the various berry flavors of yogurt which are available.)
Frage: "Well, they don't have the brands I want."
UIM: "I just hope they have snozberry flavor."
Frage: (pats UIM on the shoulder) "Maybe someday they will have it for you."
(Frage leans in close.)
Frage: "Or maybe they'll have dingleberry flavor for you."
(Frage and UIM crack up laughing.)
UIM: "Ew. Tastes like a Tea Party screed."
(Frage and UIM crack up laughing harder, gasping for air.)
UIM: " ' There's this weird couple, walks into various Targets, and stands around laughing in the dairy aisle.' I don't want to be on a Target corporate Wanted poster."
Showing posts with label bewilderment. Show all posts
Showing posts with label bewilderment. Show all posts
Saturday, May 10, 2014
Sunday, April 27, 2014
Maybe we've got a motto there. Let's translate it into Latin and stick it under a shield.
UIM: "Well, I'm sorry I pushed the joke too far."
Frage: "No, you be you, honey."
UIM: "Awwww."
Frage: "And suffer the consequences."
UIM: "Grrrr."
Frage: "No, you be you, honey."
UIM: "Awwww."
Frage: "And suffer the consequences."
UIM: "Grrrr."
Thursday, April 24, 2014
That's the sound of the man working in the data gang.
(On Take Your Children to Work Day, my boss had to run a small stock-trading simulation game with the kids.)
(He spent a few minutes prepping me and my colleague for our parts.)
My boss: "If it all goes off the rails, I may have to ask you gentlemen to describe your jobs in 30 seconds."
Me: "Uh, boss? What is my job description?"
(Pause, as my boss of 8 years stares at me exactly how you imagine he would.)
Me: "Because I've never successfully explained my job in 30 seconds. Or without profanity."
(He spent a few minutes prepping me and my colleague for our parts.)
My boss: "If it all goes off the rails, I may have to ask you gentlemen to describe your jobs in 30 seconds."
Me: "Uh, boss? What is my job description?"
(Pause, as my boss of 8 years stares at me exactly how you imagine he would.)
Me: "Because I've never successfully explained my job in 30 seconds. Or without profanity."
Saturday, January 11, 2014
I always assume everyone thinks this, in response to anything I say.
"And why should I listen to the depressed scribbling guy hunched in the corner?"
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
Four years, a lot of emotional mileage, and a lot of bewilderment
Friends don't let friends post bewildered, of course.
But, I am still around, and still crappy at staying in touch with people.
But there have been some heavy changes since I killed the previous incarnation of the GWBench.
Dad passed away in the summer of 2010. It was a quick downhill slide for him between late April and Late August - pancreatic cancer. I would not wish that one anyone, even the people I have hated. (By contrast, I probably would wish upon people I hate something like... well, bedbugs in their urethras.)
Mom retired from working last year, and has to confront that her packrat tendencies have complicated her life. She's making changes, and generally, I think she is happier.
And since the fall of 2010, I have been dating a woman who still seems to like me. I just finished moving in with her a few weeks ago, and I am dealing with the constant challenges of NOT FUCKING THIS RELATIONSHIP UP.
But I am slightly smarter than I was 10 years ago. And I am more practiced at accepting that my immediate emotional response to anything probably should not guide my behavior. And maybe we've got a good shot at a healthy relationship.
I will try to get back in touch with the people I care about.
Once more, until you hear from me, may peace and love and happiness fill your life to overflowing.
But, I am still around, and still crappy at staying in touch with people.
But there have been some heavy changes since I killed the previous incarnation of the GWBench.
Dad passed away in the summer of 2010. It was a quick downhill slide for him between late April and Late August - pancreatic cancer. I would not wish that one anyone, even the people I have hated. (By contrast, I probably would wish upon people I hate something like... well, bedbugs in their urethras.)
Mom retired from working last year, and has to confront that her packrat tendencies have complicated her life. She's making changes, and generally, I think she is happier.
And since the fall of 2010, I have been dating a woman who still seems to like me. I just finished moving in with her a few weeks ago, and I am dealing with the constant challenges of NOT FUCKING THIS RELATIONSHIP UP.
But I am slightly smarter than I was 10 years ago. And I am more practiced at accepting that my immediate emotional response to anything probably should not guide my behavior. And maybe we've got a good shot at a healthy relationship.
I will try to get back in touch with the people I care about.
Once more, until you hear from me, may peace and love and happiness fill your life to overflowing.
Monday, April 09, 2012
from the back files: progress?
From: UIM
Sent: Monday, April 09, 2012 3:22 PM
Subject: Progress?
Quote from therapy, today:
“And I’m frustrated, because as much as I think about resolving this, I never seem to figure out how.”
(Pause)
“And now I’m annoyed because I seem to be quoting the punk rock song, ‘Institutionalized’.”
-UIM.
The progress part is that I did not start quoting the song.
Sent: Monday, April 09, 2012 3:22 PM
Subject: Progress?
Quote from therapy, today:
“And I’m frustrated, because as much as I think about resolving this, I never seem to figure out how.”
(Pause)
“And now I’m annoyed because I seem to be quoting the punk rock song, ‘Institutionalized’.”
-UIM.
The progress part is that I did not start quoting the song.
Monday, April 02, 2012
from the back files: no idea where I get it from
From: UIM
Sent: Monday, April 02, 2012 11:11 AM
To: Metrocake
Subject: Mom, about retirement.
Someone sent her information about yarn bombing…. (http://www.google.com/search?q=yarn+bombing+chicago&hl=en&rlz=1R2ADFA_enUS377&prmd=imvns&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ei=Os95T-7oHKa42wW6zPj9Cw&ved=0CEEQsAQ&biw=833&bih=824 )
Mom: “I can sneak out and cover things with knitted garments. I’ve never been arrested before.”
UIM: “Mooommmm…”
Mom: “I haven’t decided if getting arrested is on my bucket list.”
UIM: “Yeah, that’ll be great, asking my boss for time off to go to Hanover and bail my mother out of
jail.”
Mom: “It’ll be fun.”
UIM: “At least it’s not a federal offense.”
Mom: “What if I knit a cover for a public mailbox?”
(pause)
UIM: (growlier) “Ok, Mom, you’re getting the reaction you wanted…”
Sent: Monday, April 02, 2012 11:11 AM
To: Metrocake
Subject: Mom, about retirement.
Someone sent her information about yarn bombing…. (http://www.google.com/search?q=yarn+bombing+chicago&hl=en&rlz=1R2ADFA_enUS377&prmd=imvns&tbm=isch&tbo=u&source=univ&sa=X&ei=Os95T-7oHKa42wW6zPj9Cw&ved=0CEEQsAQ&biw=833&bih=824 )
Mom: “I can sneak out and cover things with knitted garments. I’ve never been arrested before.”
UIM: “Mooommmm…”
Mom: “I haven’t decided if getting arrested is on my bucket list.”
UIM: “Yeah, that’ll be great, asking my boss for time off to go to Hanover and bail my mother out of
jail.”
Mom: “It’ll be fun.”
UIM: “At least it’s not a federal offense.”
Mom: “What if I knit a cover for a public mailbox?”
(pause)
UIM: (growlier) “Ok, Mom, you’re getting the reaction you wanted…”
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