#ThisDidn'tActuallyHapppen

From: UIM

Sent: Friday, August 30, 2013 9:59 AM

Subject: this didn't actually happen

"So, do you guys have a swear jar down her?'

"We did. UIM got tired of turning over his paycheck, so he just started saying , 'fuzzbucket', and we couldn't afford beer any more."

"That sucks."

"So then we fined him for 'fuzzbucket's, but he threw us a 20 and then changed to shooting us with foam darts every time he wanted to curse."

"I'm... not sure what to say about that."

"We decided not to fine him for anything, since we don't want to know what he'd escalate to if we fined him for foam darts."

from the back files: I know I am a horrible misanthrope.

From:    UIM
Sent:     Wednesday, August 28, 2013 10:29 AM
Subject:  I know I am a horrible misanthrope.

My subconscious finally answered the question, "If I had to throw a Thirsty Thursday, what theme would I actually be happy with, given that I don't want to talk to large swaths of this company?"

The answer was a "Bacon and Inebriation Meditation" theme.  The beer and bacon theme we just had, plus, no one is allowed to talk.  Everybody just sits down quietly and drinks their booze and eats their bacon.

how your friends remember you‏

(From an e-mail exchange after I got in touch with Tempest again.)

Tempest: "Is it bad that when I hear that Icona Pop song I think of you?  'I crashed my car into a bridge... I don't care...' "

UIM: "It occurred to me that at least one of my friends would.  However, I have to point out that Nightskye crashed his car into a bridge first."

from the back files: And, exit, stage - thump

From: UIM

Sent: Friday, August 02, 2013 4:43 PM

Subject: And, exit, stage - thump

(UIM reaches the elevators, where HappyScrappyPup already stands, with others.)
 

HappyScrappyPup: " Hey, UIM."

UIM: "Hello."

HappyScrappyPup: "So, you have fixed all our RIC-mapping problems?"

(Pause.)

UIM: "Y'know, despite my reputation, it is pretty rare for my first thought to be, 'I should kick this person in the crotch.' -"

(General laughter.)

UIM: "- and now you have brought me to a new low. Thanks."