Heirloom Siege Engines

 Quiet and Distant and Remorseful — thestuffedalligator: thestuffedalligator: ... (tumblr.com)

In my young adulthood, my mom heavily collected spinning wheels.  

I am now mentally constructing an AU for my own life where her membership on the high school rifle team took a sharp turn into collecting scaled-down siege engines, and in her 50′s she forms a LARPing group named The 516th Battle Nurses Regiment. 

Motto: “We can heal your wounds.  We can cause your wounds.  Your choice.”

Drunk Cuisine Experiment #1

 No, you cannot force a Red Vine through a Stuffed Puffs Chocolate-on-Chocolate marshmallow as though the Red Vine were a  stick for roasting the marshmallow.

People Should Not Ask UIM for Explanations.

(After UIM makes a passing mention in a work e-mail.)
Colleague: "Mutant Lobsters from Riverhead?"
UIM: "Once while bored on Chicago mass transit,I tried to imagine a cheesy horror movie set in the area where I grew up.  Riverhead is the county seat.  It was easy for me to imagine mutant lobsters (caused by the Navy testing something odd out at Calverton) rampaging up the Peconic River and leveling Riverhead, before swerving south to crush the Hamptons in their buttery oversized claws."

Let's face it, folks, she's tired.

(UIM and Frage driving around, doing errands.)
(Frage is audibly irritated by a couple different pedestrians stepping thoughtlessly into the road in front of her.)
UIM : “You have to remember: These are simple people.”
(Frage chuckles.)
UIM: “The common clay of the new West.”
Frage: “What?”
UIM: “You know: morons.”
(Silence.)
UIM: “Look, I either answer that, or, ‘Mongo only pawn in game of life.’  Quotes from Blazing Saddles are all I’ve got right now.”
Frage: “Thank you so much.”
UIM: “I certainly don’t think I can respond with ‘I think he said the sheriff’s near’ relevantly.”

Gel-Foam-ah's Witness‏

“Hello. I wanted to talk with you about accepting the power of NERF in your life.”

#UnworkableIdeas

"And now, the Fourth Annual Tournament of Lingerie Parade, sponsored by Frederick's of Hollywood."

from the back files: unworkable ideas

From: UIM
Sent: Thursday, June 20, 2013 7:30 AM
Subject: My unworkable ideas: latest in a series
After I spent last night tuning out the hour-plus multi-person argument on Kenmore Avenue, I realized this morning that I want to launch a public service campaign about walking away from arguments.
I want to call this campaign: “Civility: Is it really so f**king difficult?”

-UIM
My likeness and reputation should never be used for this project, of course.

moments of genius.

While otherwise indisposed today, I had time to ponder the flimsiness and moistenability of comic book boxes.
“If only, “ I pondered, “you could apply a lining easily to…”
And then I remembered the Discovery channel show, Smash Labs,  where they sprayed a cement wall with spray-on truck-bed liner and improved the wall’s resistance to explosions…
http://www.rhinoliningsindustrial.com/videos.php
Now, I really really want to spray truck-bed liner (http://www.rustoleum.com/CBGProduct.asp?pid=367 ) on EVERY BOX I have to put in my storage unit.