Conversations While Married

Frage: "I may have missed it while I was ranting."

UIM: (fake-innocent) "But you never rant."

Frage: "Yes, yes."

UIM: (fake-innocent) "My wife is sweet and demure and obedient, and never has an unkind word to say about anyone."

Frage: "You really ought start wearing a cup if you insist on talking $#!+ like this."

UIM: (too busy cackling to respond.)

Frage: "I may only have one good knee left, but I'm pretty sure I can knee you with it."

UIM: (still cackling)

Frage: "Obedient, my @$$..."

Conversations While Married

(Frage is a Shark Week enthusiast.)

(Frage also had to have a quiet day on Sunday because of a migraine.)

UIM: "Still watching Shark Week recordings?"

Frage: "Well, yeah, I am catching up from Migraine Sunday."

UIM: "Least popular holiday on the calendar."

(Pause)

UIM: "I don’t recall the vestment colors, but instead of flagellating your back, you have to smack yourself in the face."

Frage: "Wait, with a fish?"

UIM: "No, Fish-Slapping Dance is a Monty Python gag.  So that would be Church of England."

Some Say Waffles, They are a Razor....

Last Saturday, Frage and I were eating breakfast in an hourly-rental car before grocery shopping.

Frage misheard the word 'love' as 'waffles'.

(My fault for talking while eating.)

So of course, the Lyric Word Replacement gag came out of mothballs.

In this case, replace the word 'love' in a lyric with 'waffles'.

As examples: The Beatles are now singing "Can't Buy Me Waffles"; and Tina Turner is now asking "What's Waffles Got to Do with It?"

(Yes, it blows the scansion to hell, but I decided to run with it anyway)

So, the top 11 that I thought up today....

11."Crazy in Waffles" - Beyonce

10."Sunshine of Your Waffles" - Cream

9. "You Give Waffles a Bad Name" - Bon Jovi

8. "And in the end, the waffles you take/ Are equal to the waffles you make." - The Beatles, "The End"

7. "Shake Your Waffles" - Debbie Gibson

6. "Making Waffles Out of Nothing at All" - Air Supply

5. "You pull the trigger on my/ Waffle Gun." - Kiss

4. "The Greatest Waffle of All" - Whitney Houston

3. "How Deep is Your Waffle" - Bee Gees

2. "Tainted Waffles" originally recorded by Gloria Jones in 1964, covered in the 1981 by Soft Cell.

1. "Some people call me the Space Cowboy./ Some call me the Gangster of Waffles." - Steve Miller, "The Joker".

Married Conversations: I need a little room to operate, here.

Frage: "Have fun.  Make good choices.  Don't cry in meetings."

UIM: "Why do you want to limit my options?"

Married Conversations

UIM: "I have to call in to an all-hands that they declared last week. I hope it's more 'here's how we're dealing with COVID' and not 'we're selling you for medical experiments'."

Frage: "Could be both."

UIM: "You're right. Those aren't mutually exclusive."

Married Conversations: pillaging just like everybody else does.

Frage: "Somehow I keep startling this one co-worker.  I think they are going to want me to wear a bell."

UIM: "Well, you are descended from the rare Nordic Ninjas.  The small strain of introverted Vikings - they were okay with pillaging and plundering, but they didn't want to make a lot of noise about it, and they needed some quiet time to recharge afterward."

(Pause.)

(UIM snickers.)

Frage: (resigned to it) "Okay, what of your own jokes are you laughing at now."

UIM: "Just imagining a panning camera shot down the longboat, all the other Vikings are singing and drinking as they return home with booty, and there's just this one morose Viking in the middle.  Soundtrack is playing "How Soon is Now" by the Smiths."