Tuesday, December 20, 2022

Singing about annoyances.

While dealing with a glitter-shedding Christmas card today, I started singing, 'Craaaaft herpes, wiider than a mile...."
So, it's still a good thing I've been too lazy to learn video editing.
Or YouTube would have Audrey Hepburn singing something very different on her balcony....

If I Wasn't So Lazy, I'd Be Dangerous

If I weren't so lazy....

- I'd have learned video editing software to replace the Millennium Falcon with the P-Funk Mothership.

Saturday, November 19, 2022

Married Conversations: One Concern to the Tune of Another

(Frage sits in the recliner in the living room, watching HGTV.)
(UIM, just-showered and half-dressed, strides out with determination, picks up the letter-size notepad, grabs a pen, starts scribbling and mumbling.)
(After a minute of this...)
Frage: "Should I be worried that you're mumbling 'cut you down and destroy'?"
UIM: "It's 'one song to the tune of another'.  I realized you can sing the verses of Johnny Cash's 'God's Gonna Cut You Down' and Metallica's 'Seek and Destroy' to each other's tunes."
Frage: "Ah."
UIM: "But I understand you worry when your pants-less husband mumbles like that.  You concerns are valid."

Saturday, October 29, 2022

Married Conversations: Saturday Wait (for a breakfast sandwich)

Frage: "I got you a different breakfast sandwich.  It's called The Cure."
UIM: "Is it supposed to be a hangover remedy."
Frage: "No, it's cured meats."
UIM: "I guess I'm just glad it doesn't look like Robert Smith."
Frage: "Every time I see it, I chuckle and think, 'Friday I'm in Love'."
UIM: "But today is Saturday."
Frage: "Yes."
UIM: "Are you all out of love?"
Frage: "No."
UIM: "Because that would be an Air Supply."

Friday, October 14, 2022

Married Conversations: Something Might Be Found

(After Frage comes in, and is throwing out her coffee cup.)
Frage:"So, yeah, I got myself coffee as a little treat."
UIM: "The pool was closed, so you walked the whole time?"
Frage: "No.  I swam, then walked."
UIM: " I really should just standardize it as 'How as your walk/swim?'"
Frage: "Or you could look for clues, like, my hair is wet."
UIM: "Now, listen, I am barely awake until noon, on my best days.  So, don't expect too much from me and -" (realizes) "you might not be let down and goddamnit I am quoting a Gin Blossoms song."

Friday, August 12, 2022

Poo Hearts Beating In Just One Mind.

(Context is lost, but....)

Frage: "It's all about the poo with you."
... devolving into Lyric Word Replacement - 'poo' for 'two' ...
Frage: "Just the Poo of Us."
UIM: "It Take Poo to Make a Thing Go Right."
...
UIM: "And, of course, the Spice Girls singing, 'Poo Become One'."

Tuesday, May 03, 2022

Wrapped in white tissue as cold as the - ewwwww

During the 15-minute-or-so break that Frage and I took today to get sympathy about our respective jobs...

Frage: "I'm not a manager or a supervisor, but somehow the circus is mine."
UIM: "Other folks just keep assigning you monkeys."
Frage: "And I did not want responsibility for these poo-slingers."
Frank: "Now, I'm just imagining two monkeys in cowboy outfits facing off at high noon in a town, with holsters full of poo."

Reactions by other folks after I shared the above bit:

'Backer (my cousin): "I'm going to commission someone to draw that, and put it up on the wall above my home desk."

Shell (my brother):  "This town ain't big enough for the poo of us."

UIM: "I am now scared `Backer will make it an NFT with that title, and somehow I'll be responsible legally for whoever he sells it to."

Stringer (my other brother): "Non-flingable turds."


Wednesday, February 09, 2022

Songs That Are Fun To Sing in Fred Schneider's Voice

 most Doors songs, but especially Roadhouse Blues  (as noted here: https://thegroupwbench.blogspot.com/2021/10/same-situation-different-emphasis.html )
Mother, Danzig
Forgot About Dre, Dr. Dre and Eminem

Friday, January 07, 2022

Nerf and Theft

(During a Zoom meeting.)
Meeting co-ordinator "Hey, UIM, is that a Nerf gun behind you?"
(UIM unmutes, nods, grabs the Nerf gun, and holds it closer to the screen.)
UIM: "Yeah.  Doesn't work.  Five bucks in a thrift shop."
Developer: "I saw the orange bit and thought it was a traffic cone."
UIM: "No, in my family, we steal those.  We don't pay five bucks for them in a thrift shop."
------
Some of the responses when I texted this to family members:
My brother, Shell: "Stop revealing family secrets."
My other brother, Stringer: "I have two of them in my shed."  (He did not clarify whether he meant cones or Nerf guns.)
My cousin, `Backer: "Of course we don't- we already paid for them with gas taxes."